Kimi wo Mamotte, Kimi Wo Aishite
by Miss Ragdoll
Summary: It all started out of frustration. A whole month had passed since we arrived the lands Aizu occupied now. We were living together. Under the same roof. For a whole month now. In separate bedrooms. This is the story of how I tempted him.


Hello dear readers! Here is my Saito Hajime story, yayyy! It took me a lot to write this because I was constantly perfectioning it, I had loads of things in my head I wanted to write and... well, I just don't know how to write smex scenes that well, I'm a super dork of lemons XDDDD

To me Saito Hajime is... woah. I don't know how to express it. I've been in love with him for so long... (yeah, yep, in love. with a fictional character. my life is super over, I know) His route was the first one I played in the psp game, and I did it without looking at a walkthrough, like I was destined to meet him and go with him and fall in love with him and... yeah, fangirl a lot. Even if I have a ver sweeeet spot for Okita, Hajime is just as well my love. I would say I'm in love with both. Guilty heart.

So. After this rant, here is this story. Its setting is **just after the psp ending** (good ending of course). Don't worry if you've read my previous stories; this is NOT that dark (LOL) Rest assured. Lemons ahead, but the rating is here ;)

Enjoy!

I don't own Hakuouki nor any of it's characters.

* * *

It all started out of frustration.

A whole month had passed since we arrived the lands Aizu occupied now. Saito was recovering well from being a rasetsu, the water of the mountains making wonders in his health, he had yet to suffer a bloodlust episode. It was working very effectively and for that I was happy. We had established well and were living in a small cottage, almost isolated from the rest of the village.  
We lived together, yes. Under the same roof. For a whole month now. In separate bedrooms.  
Honestly, I admit at the beginning I was not bold enough nor prepared to sleep in the same room as him -and what to say about actually _sleeping_ together - and I was glad he didn't propose such a thing from the begining, but after a month I had had enough waiting. No moves at all. It was hardly what you'd call a couple's life.

I saw him in the morning, he went to the fields, worked with the rest of people the Aizu had brought forming a community, and by dusk he was back; it was a simple, peaceful life that he received with glad. I always prepared breakfast, packed lunch for him, and dinner when he was back. I had well learnt how to cook with what the earth here provided and what he liked. And he always thanked me very politely. Too politely; It made me feel like I was his landlord. I didn't like the pace of the situation, and I had beginning to have my urges: living with the person you love and not being able to show the affection or attraction towards him was frustrating. I could not be the only one to feel like this, though with him it was hard to figure out what he was thinking, a man always so cool and collected that it made me feel barbaric to even think about submitting to my inner desires. But then again, I may be ruled by desires, so what was wrong with that? I wanted him. I wanted him to look at me wantonly, to touch me, to kiss me, to feel me. Usual interaction with him was obviously not enough, and I was tired to leave things to luck or time.  
Tonight would be the night I'd put an end to this impasse.

Gathering all my courage, I prepared a plan. I plotted, better said: if he was not willing to make the first move and thought I would not dare to do so, may I be probing him wrong.

I had to be cunning, though: Saito was a very clever and wise man. Very, extremely difficult to fool. And if he saw through my plot he might be angry. I'd not let such a thing happen, I was betting all I had on success.

Last time I remembered having him blush was when he forgot I was having a bath and accidentally entered the bathroom. He saw me - well, saw my head until my shoulders and my knees, but it was enough to have him blush furiously and storm out the house. Not out of the bathroom: _out of the house_. After that incident he was extra careful to notice his surroundings and never lower his guard, making the act of touching him almost impossible. But it made me realize he was not made of stone: I could arouse him. And so I would. I may get very burnt if this goes wrong, but to hell with it.

My plan lacked leaks: in my head it was perfectly plotted. I just breathed deeply and entered the room where he was writing, absorbed in his notes. The room was barely lit with a candle in the table that was slowly consuming, the wax spilling outside the base without him seeming to even have noticed.

I knew how difficult it was to make him realize someone was talking to him when he was on work mode, the shinsengumi days probing such, so I tentatively called out to him.

"Saito..."

He made no move or notice that he had heard me, but kept writing. Good. The plan was developing at initial stage as planned. I tried again, this time my voice barely a seductive whisper.

"...Hajime."

Oh this time he heard me. His brush stopped and his head snapped up. He slowly turned it to look at me, surprise clear in his eyes.

"Yes, Chizuru?"

Surprise yes, but not bother; he was not displeased with how I addressed him. Very well. Time for part two. I coyly turned my head to the side and grabbed the ends of the sleeves of my kimono, fidgeting nervously with them. I realized I had his attention.

"I... I need your help."

Concern.

"What is it?"

Good, he turned his body to me.

"It- it hurts."

I could see a kind of worry in his eyes that pained me for a brief moment.

"What is it that hurts?"

His brow furrowed, he stared at me intently. Time to make his jaw drop.

"There is something... painful. But I can't reach well nor see it... in my back."

I saw his brush drop. Realization downed on him a second later. But he compossed fast and took a moment to think through it. I knew he was considering the options: I could stay in pain until tomorrow when we reach the doctor, or he could have a look at it _now_. He also knew I had not confidence or trust in any other women in town to ask for this. It had to be him. By now I knew how his mental processes worked, and knew too he had reached that same conclussion. He'd not leave me in pain a whole night without making sure what was causing such pain.

But then he surprised me with a slide maneuver.

"I can go get the doctor right now, I might be back in a few hours if I say it's an urgency."

Well God dammit. Nope, you're not gonna get off this that easily.

"But... to make sure it's nothing, could you please... just take a look? So we don't call him over nothing. And you don't have to go in the middle of the night..."

I saw him debating whether what to do. He wanted to escape, run away. I could see him. But he made the mistake I knew he'd do: he looked at me and saw my gaze fall, slightly wincing.

"Is it really painful?"

My voice was again a whisper.

"Quite so."

"Then looks like I got no choice."

I heard him sigh with concern and knew I got him. I had given him the reassurance he needed and he had complied. Time for part three.

He moved away from the table and sat facing me.

"Where does it hurt?"

Oh this was going to be so good. I put my best shy face and prepared for it. Avoiding his eyes and again in a coy and sly manner, I soflty spoke.

"The small of my back... near the lower back."

His eyes opened a little too much for a brief moment until he got back his compossure. I knew again what he was thinking: he could not reach that part of the back unless I undressed _completely_. I saw the debate in his eyes, his gaze lowered to the tatami. A moment later and very slowly, he rose his eyes, determined.

"Call me when you are done."

And after that he turned his back to me and crossed his arms. I knew I had absolute privacy from him, but also knew he was a man. I had a slight idea how to turn him on, and he had fallen over his self over confidence. He thought he could resist it. I knew he couldn't. He knew it too and was fighting, but this fight I was going to win it.

I turned my back to him, slowly, making sure the ruffled noises of my obi distentangling and the fabric of my kimono slidding down my skin were audible to him. I was sure I heard him gasp when I intentionally let fall my kimono from my shoulders to the tatami. Then more rustling noises, and it was all set. Time to call out to him. Again, a barely audible whisper would do, I knew he was very receptible.

"Hajime..."

I was looking out the corner of my eye and yes, he shuddered. He turned slowly to me and his breath hitched. I saw his eyes pop open a little too much, his mouth slightly open too. A small blush crept to his cheeks, and his eyes then turned glassy and dark.  
I had my kimono removed, and wrapped it enveloping me ever so slightly and covering only my front body just above my breasts, my hands grasping it delicately, leaving my back completely naked, but also part of my bottoms, as I was sitting on my knees, slightly leaned to the left. My back to him, my hair loose and casually arranged to the right side revealing my neck to him, a few thin locks falling down my back.

It was obvious I had his earnest attention now. I could _feel _his eyes boring me.

I turned ever so slightly my head to the left and looked at him over my shoulder through half-closed eyes, giving him an innocent look that I knew was nothing _short _of innocent. I was prepared to tempt him, and he was falling. His unfocussed eyes gave him such a sexy aura I could feel myself blushing furiously and I thought I might melt. Yes, at that precise moment I knew he _wanted _me. But I had to trap him, I had to make sure he wouldn't get away. I heard him gulp slowly.

"..."

He let out a breath he might not had been consciously holding and shocked slightly his head. His voice was raspy.

"Where does it - exactly, hurt?"

I smiled to myself. Deliberately slow, I loosened hold on the kimono with my left hand while gripping with my right one, which made the weight of the fabric fall a bit over my left breast earning, I knew, a look in that direction that he quickly avoided, and with my free hand passed on my back I pointed at my lower back.

I heard him approach, painfully slow to me and I could feel, without turning to him, how he was a few inches from me. I could feel his presence, but not yet his hands. What I felt and that caught me by surprise, was his breath, tickling my shoulder as he spoke.

"Is it sore or piercing?"

"I think it's sore..."

And I had yet to finish speaking when I felt it. Like a lightning, a bolt of electricity ran from his fingers through my body when he touched me. I shuddered and almost moaned. He quickly withdrew his hand from me. His voice was scared, his mouth dry.

"Is it that painful?"

Painful? _Painful_? It was the most pleassurable thing I'd ever felt. But focusing, I could not say this. I had to stick to the script so I put on a guilty voice and turned my head slightly to him, my eyelids half closed and my blush a deep red.

"Sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing? I should be the one... I hurt you."

A moment passed, I just had to wait. I could feel his breath in my back, his eyes roaming me, his hand not even an inch from me. I would just wait.

His lips were suddenly too close to my shoulder, his voice husky.

"I'll be more careful... now."

And he trailed his fingertips down my lower back, slowly, effectively making me shudder and shiver with pleassure. I involuntarily arched my back at the sensation, like ice sliding down my skin on a hot summer day. He let his fingers travel down until they reached my bottom, and then, massaging my skin in his trip, his hands reached and grasped my hips. He had lost himself on me, I knew it.

I could not avoid the moan.

"Hajime..."

And suddendly I couldn't feel him anymore. As if repelled by a magnet force, he was a meter away from me, sitting on his butt as if he had just lost his balance and fell backwards.

_DAMN_.

His astonished face was priceless, but that was not what I had wanted. I had spoiled it. Had he snapped out of the trance? Maybe it was a little too late to return to the script, but I tried nevertheless. I turned my head and part of my body to him and asked innocently with feign surprise.

"Are you ok, Haji-"

"Stop that."

Damn. Caught in the act and charged guilty. His voice was severe, almost too strained, his mouth dry, I could tell. His lips pressed together into a thin line and his eyes dark blue slits glaring at me. But then I realized they were still glassy. He may have realized what I was doing, but it might have been too late; I had already lit the flame.

He was fighting the fire, but I had the fuel.

I bit my lip, and could feel his eyes fix on it. Then I shifted my balance from the left side to the right and in doing so, the fabric of the kimono slid slightly its possition and revealed part of my hip. I could feel his hungry glare going from my lips down my back until my butt. My hair fell down my back and I casually brushed it aside again, revealing my neck to him, my head slightly bent down.

His breathing was deep, but he would not move from his spot. Seconds, minutes ticked and I could feel the huge amount of willpower it was taking him not to reach me. And then, in that impasse we were and to my surprise, I felt a wave of rejection brutally crashing on me.  
I was putting all my will, and my hopes in this and he was fighting against it - against _me_.

Realization hit me with force.

He... did not want to want me. And that really hurt, like a gash in my chest. I could hardly breath. My shoulders slumped and I grabbed my kimono; I felt silly and expossed waiting like that before him. I had to get out of that room, the feeling was overwhelming.

I made a move to wake up, wrapping the fabric around me when I _sensed _him. Maybe he moved to quickly for me to notice, of maybe I was too focused on my world of pain, but the truth was that he was again inches away from me. Startled I tried to turn to face him but he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face against the base of my neck, burying it in my hair, his voice a tortured whisper, his lips brushing against my skin as he spoke.

"Chizuru, what are you doing to me?"

I didn't know how to answer that. A million things crossed my mind but I might aswell be blank for all it served. I was at loss.

"I can't do this Chizuru. It's enough you want to stay with me, but this..."

Now I was really lost. What did he mean? The feeling of rejection attacked me mercilessly.

"Do you mean you keep on guarding me but that's all? Am I work for you, after all this time, am I still... work for you?"

I could feel myself losing it, the pain clutching my chest. I wanted to run away.

"Let go of me."

But he didn't. I started to tremble with the anxiety, a panic attack building somewhere and quickly spreading in my body. I cried this time.

"Let me go!"

Saito turned me to him forcefully in a quick movement, my kimono sliding from my grasp, my body naked to him, and kissed me. His mouth was hungry, desperate, his hands gripping my wrists. Such force was he making I lost balance and we both fell to the floor, he on top of me. The kiss broke and I gasped for air and he did too. Our eyes never leaving each other, my confussed look and his tortured gaze.

I lost it and started to cry. I made to cover my face with my hands but he grabbed them again and made me look at him. I turned my head and closed my eyes, tears flowing.

"Chizuru..."

"Go away."

"Chizuru please."

"Leave me alone!"

"I can't!"

His voice was full of sorrow, so desperate his cry I opened my eyes. His gaze was so tortured I cringed.

"I can't."

"Then why..."

It was pathetic, I was so pathetic right now. Lying on the ground, with Saito ontop of me, looking so lost and pained.

Was I forcing something out of him he didn't want? Did he not love me... that way? Physical attraction and love were different things, I was painfully aware of that. You could want someone and yet not love them, that's why men sought prostitutes. Carnal desires, no feelings involved. Was I doing that to him, inflaming his desires and he was not willing to let himself go because... he did not love me? Because... he didn't want just sex with someone he did not love? Because... he had _wanted _me, I could _feel _it. If it was not that he loved me but did not want me, it had to be the other way around. And damn, it _hurt_. It hurt so much I felt I was breaking from the inside. Whatever bond we might have was not strong enough for him to consider our relationship into the next level. Maybe I was wrong from the beginning and there was no _relationship _to begin with; I had confessed to him and he had accepted these feelings, but said nothing about _his_. He let me follow him, asked me if what I had said were my true feelings, and then kissed me. He allowed me to go with him, following him, whatever the place we went was. He just... let me follow him.

How cruel.

I had no idea what kind of face I was making, but it made Saito close his eyes with a wince. Then his forehead touched with mine, his voice so low, yet I heard him.

"I just can't do this Chizuru."

And he woke up, never taking a look at my naked body, his eyes safely wandering to any other place, grabbed my kimono that had fallen beside me and handed it to me. Then he walked to the door and stopped not turning back to face me while he spoke.

"Please understand it."

And with that he was gone.  
_Understand it_. The more I thought about it the more I felt myself drowning.

I picked the pieces of me that were scattered, and woke from the ground. My legs shaked, my body felt numb.  
I don't recall how I reached bed, but the hours until dawn passed horribly slowly. I could not stop crying, and I was possitive if I got up like this, my eyes swollen, and he saw me I would put him in an unconfortable possition again. Even so the alternative seemed even worse. What was I going to do staying in bed besides worrying him even more? I gathered my strenght and woke up. I went to wash my face and heard rustling sounds from his bedroom: he was waking up too. I slapped my face with both hands and determined I decided not to let what happened the day before affect me. Not until he left, at least. Surely I could stay at least an hour without crying. Or half an hour. There shouldn't be more tears to shed. But as I thought this, they threatened to escape my eyes again. _Darn it, pull yourself together Chizuru_.

Just as I entered the kitchen I saw him out of his room. Our eyes met briefly, and I was the first one to avoid his gaze. _Well done, you pathetic thing, now he'll worry. Didn't we agree you'd beheave with normalcy?_ My body had will on it's own, it seemed. It was a physical response to his deep blue eyes. I just couldn't bring myself to look at him.

I heard him pass behind me and stop at my left, safely distancing himself several inches away from where I had started making breakfast. His voice was steady and monotone as he broke the silence. Mine wavered slightly.

"Let me help you."

"...It's not necessary."

"I insist."

Silence fell between us as we cut the vegetables and put the rice to cook, but it was... awkward to say the least. Usually silences were confortable between us, just enjoying our time together. Now it was plain obvious it wasn't. Against my better judgement I decided to break the ice.

"You're up early today."

_Good goddammit Chizuru_, I chasticised myself inwardly. He didn't look at me while he chopped the daikon and put them in the boiling soup.

"I could hardly get any sleep, I had been awake for a while when I heard you leave your bedroom."

_He didn't get any sleep last night_. It did nothing to soothe the guilt in my heart. I made him feel miserable. I had forced my feelings on him.

_plick_.

A traitorous tear rolled down my cheek before I realized it and fell into the miso soup. DAMN! Had he seen it? I turned my head to him in panic.

He had.

The look of his face was... distressed to say the least. I swiftly wiped the rest of my tears away and put the bowls in the table. Then I went back to fetch the rice.

"Chizuru..."

"Please," My own voice sounded strained and foreign in my ears. "it's okay, don't bother with it. Eat while it's hot." And I turned my back to him, preparing the bentou we was to take away.

I could feel again his eyes on me. But he didn't say anything else. He sat on his knees and ate the rice and miso soup while my stomach was closed and unable to even get a bite. When he finished, he neatly picked up the bowls and washed them. My legs wouldn't move. I didn't know if I would feel relieved or devastated once he had gone for the day. I was about to know, though.

"Your gaze is lifeless."

His voice was so... soft. Like velvet caressing me. I looked at him and saw something in his eyes I couldn't decipher.

"I can't go like this. I wouldn't forgive myself for leaving you like that."

Saito knelt beside me and his hand cupped my face, his thumb caressing me. I closed my eyes and felt like letting myself go with his touch. He then let it run down my hair and kissed its tips. His gaze locked with mine.

"Today I'm staying."

I could hardly think anything so I just nodded, though I knew it was wrong. He had to go. But I just... there was something in his eyes that didn't leave room for the argument. He got up and extended his arm, his hand a sign to take it and get up too. I took it.

He led me, I didn't know where at the beginning, then he opened the door to his room and I suddenly panicked. My feet dived in the floor and he felt my body yank. He turned to me, his expression unreadable. Then he gently squeezed reassuringly my hand.

What was I going to do? What did he want to do? What the hell was going on?

"_Chizuru_."

His voice again. The power of conviction it had astonished me. What his body could not achieve, his voice did. I complied and followed him. We entered his room and he closed the door after him.  
There we were. My heart was beating so fast and wildly I thought it might break my ribs. It was actually so loud I feared he might hear it- I could hear my pulse thundering in my ears. But his voice was more powerful. He didn't rise his head, nor met my gaze while he spoke.

"I believe there was some kind of misunderstanding yesterday between us. I shall not let it pass like that."

What was _that_? There was definitely _something_. A conviction, a pace, a tone in his voice that made me shudder with every syllable, every word. I had never experienced something like this, his voice was leading me and it was impossible for me to refuse. He then rose his head and walked to where I was. The instant our eyes met his gaze pinned me down, a deep blue that consumed me. When he spoke again, shivers ran wildly down my spine.

"You wanted to trick me. I will show you how _dangerous _that is."

It was raw, unadultered lust leeking from his lips in the form of voice, like hands undressing me, pinning me to the ground and ravishing me.

I could only gasp at the intensity of his voice and look. I was loosing it. Quick.  
His hands cupped my face, roughly this time, though not forcefully or hard, it didn't hurt. But the feeling of _control _was thick.

"Do you have any idea how _hard _it was to resist you seducing me like that? How difficult it was not to take you then and there and make you _mine_?"

My body reacted instantly at his words and the tickling breath out of his mouth, his lips almost touching mine, shivers making me aroused in a wild way, heat and cold at the same time. My head felt cold, but between my legs it felt so hot...

"For you to think I don't _want _you... I must be a better actor than I thought. But this is about enough; I won't keep it undercontrol anymore. I'll _show _you."

His right hand left my face and travelled down my back touching my body until it reached the small of my back. He pressed me to him. His gaze was dangerous.

"You better be prepared."

And then he kissed me.

All the pent up sexual tension broke loose at that moment. His left hand pressed the nape of my neck to deepen the kiss, his tongue assaulting my mouth, devouring me, and his right hand pressing me against his body without space between us.

I was very aware of what was happening, but I had already lost any rational thought. Instead of crying, instead of blaming myself for tempting him into this, and although I knew nothing good could come out of this if this was what I thought it was - just sex - I let myself go. I had nothing else to lose. It might be my first and last time feeling him, and instead of crying because se did not love me I took hold of my feelings and decided to let things go on. I would take this opportunity and make the most of it while I could.I loved him, and that was my only thought, my irrational and insane love and my desolated heart. I would be his today, and I wouldn't think of the aftermath until it was over.

I could feel him against me, and I wanted to touch him too but my hands were trapped against his chest. I wanted to roam and caress his back and his hair, but I couldn't move. So I did the only thing I could in my possition, not really thinking at that moment; I tried to open his kimono grabbing it from his chest, but his hands took hold on my wrists strongly and without breaking the kiss nor giving me time to protest he somehow tumbled us over his futon.  
He pinned both of my wrists above my head with one hand and straddled my legs with his knee. His right hand, free, roamed my body, sliding under my kimono, touching me just above the susoyoke. It was almost as if he was touching my bare skin with his hand, but for some reason he didn't.  
Saito broke the kiss slowly, his tongue slipping away from my mouth, saliva dripping, leaving me following his mouth for more, almost begging.

His wicked smile said all his eyes confirmed; he wanted me to beg.

"...Please, _Hajime_."

I turned him on in a way I only suspected I could do. He yanked my kimono open and left me almost naked in front of him, my susoyoke a thin cloth that let his eyes perceive the shape of my body. I was aware my nipples were noticeable though that cloth. I could see his glassy eyes, desire obvious in them, devouring my body, and it didn't take him long before he bent down on me again, kissing my jaw and neck, then his tongue following the line of my collarbone. I shuddered and he released my wrists, a velvet warning in his voice as he did so.

"Stay still."

I nodded sheepishly. He smiled mischievoulsly against my skin.

"Good girl."

How the hell could he turn me on that much? He used both his hands to undress me completely, getting both inside my susoyoke and sliding it down my shoulders, opening it completely: I stood there before him, flushed and aroused, stradled, my nipples firm and my breathing ragged, my eyes moist, my mouth dry. He licked his lips.

"You are so beautiful..."

His mouth on my skin, I trembled, he gropped my breast and nibbled my nipple. I moaned loudly, my legs shaking, my back arched.

"... so sensitive."

His voice and touch were driving me crazy. I put my hand covering my mouth to stiffle the moans but he took it and yanked it away.

"I want to hear them. All the sounds you make while I pleasure you."

"...I... I also want to touch you."

My voice surprised me. It was a mixture between a moan and a whisper, full of lust. He smiled wickedly.

"You want me? You want to touch me?"

"Y-yes..."

I couldn't recognize my voice. His smile got wider. He placed my hand on his chest.

"Would you like to undress me?"

I nodded, my voice finally caught, my mouth dry, my head spinning.

He let me sit before him, my legs still straddling him, my clothes slid completely off me and I was completely naked, breathing hard and my sight travelling from his eyes to his luscious lips, until it focussed on his chest. Then on his datejime. I started to untie it and meanwhile his hands did nothing to let me concentrate on my task, his fingers pinching my nipples and his mouth leaving a trail of hot kisses in my jaw. Finally I could loose it off and place my hands under his kimono and nagajuban. His chest was so smooth and hard. I ran my hands over it, feeling his nipples harden too, and he shuddered. I wanted to kiss him too, and I placed my mouth on his chest, kissing and licking him. I heard him moan my name. I didn't stop, nor did he. He wanted me to lose my concentration and stop touching him to get the upper hand again. But I had other plans before I submitted. Taking him offguard I pushed him and he fell backwards, moment I took advantage to open his kimono and nagajuban completely. We were both almost completely naked at his point. And I could see what I had been feeling all the while: his penis was so hard it looked like it would tear apart the fundoshi.

I crawled on top of him and pressing myself against him, I kissed and sucked his neck. He moaned and shuttered.

"Chi-chizuru."

But he quickly compossed and grabbed me, turning us, and pressing my back again against the futon.

I could see his lust driven eyes not leaving me room for the argument. His voice was hoarse.

"I'm having a hard time here controlling myself. Would you please behave?"

"You don't have to control yourself."

I just don't know what I set free when I said this, but I said it with such seductive voice I heard him groan and then he held again both my wrists above my head, his lips touching mine almost giving in to the kiss. This voice a growl full of want. His eyes hypnothizing me.

"Then I won't."

He kissed me again so deeply, a kiss full of lust and none of restraing, I thought I would die if he stopped. I was melting, kissing him as he was kissing me, a fight between our tongues, a kiss so desperate as breathing after holding your breath. I just couldn't get enough, and nor could him. His hands travelling up and down my body, touching everywhere, leaving heat where they stayed. One of his hands went down my abdomen and below my navel. I gasped for air and he kept on kissing my jaw and neck while his hand pressed my back and made our chests impossibly together. His left hand covered my sex and started to rub against my clit. I moaned louder than I expected, a deep blush in my cheeks. He nibbled my jaw and ran his tongue on my lips. I opened my mouth but he wouldn't kiss me.

"Stick out your tongue for me."

I complied and he touched my tongue with his, an erotic dance while I moaned and his hand rubbed against my lower lips.

"You are so wet..."

He slid his hand inside my sleek fundoshi and I gasped at the contact- his fingers playing and pocking at my entrance. I arched my back and rose my hips at his touch. He smiled and entered his tongue in my mouth at the same time he dipped a finger inside me.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm pleassse."

"_Please _what?"

I couldn't think. He moved his finger in and out and my mind was losing it. His voice was playful, he was like a drug. I couldn't find my voice, I didn't know how to speak at that moment.

"Chizuru. Please what?"

"Please more."

In ragged breaths I could finally speak and he smiled against my jaw, giving me a small nibble. He dipped another finger inside of me and curled them. I moaned louder, shuddering and arching my back, his name slipping past my lips.

"H-Hajimee..."

I didn't know what he was doing, I only knew it felt so good I never wanted it to end... I rose my hips and moved them in the same dance he was moving his fingers inside me, and the pleasure increassed. I could feel his erection poking against my leg, while his free hand traveled down my body. My eyes closed letting myself go with the feelings he aroused in me, I could hear him taking off the last cloth he had on. Then he removed his fingers from inside me and I moaned at the loss of contact. He smiled wickedly.

"Don't worry, it's not over yet."

With that he bent above me and started kissing all my body until his lips were just above my fundoshi. He kept on kissing my hips while taking it off. He stradled me and kissed me softly, sweetly on the lips. It was such a change of pace I opened my eyes to look at him. And then I saw a glint of worry.

"Hajime?"

"It will hurt for a moment."

"I trust you."

He smiled sadly. What was he thinking? Was he suddenly regretting it? Saito closed his eyes and kissed my shoulder, avoiding my eyes.

"You shouldn't. You shouldn't have followed me. You shouldn't have involved yourself with me. I'm undeserving of you. I'm a _beast_."

_Understand it_. I finally understood what he had meant that night. Because he was a fury he feared for me. He agonized over his lack of humanity, and put distance between us. Could it be... that he really loved me? That he had been restraining his feelings and putting them undercontrol so he wouldn't hurt me? But that was precisely what was hurting me. The uncertainty of his feelings was about to kill me.

"I'm in love with you Hajime."

His head shot up, his eyes locked with mine.

"I've loved you for a long time now, and that won't change whatever happens. I decided to follow you because I trusted you, because I loved you. You are the only one I want and I'll ever want. I want to spend my life with you, love you and make you happy. Let me make you happy, Hajime."

I was finally crying, letting all my feelings break loose, even if they burdened him. All the anguish I had felt, all the feelings of unrequited love and rejection washing over me. If it was true that he may love me, and that was why he was willing to do as much as he could to keep me safe, then... it must have been breaking his own heart too.

"You have underestimated the intensity of my feelings for you. You thought you could keep me at bay, but you can't. I love you. The only thing that would destroy me would be your absence."

And suddenly Saito was hugging me so tightly I couldn't move. I could hear him mutter something against my neck, then kiss it and cup my face with his hands. He looked at me and his eyes were dark like the sky at night, a million stars shinning with the absence of moon.

"I love you Chizuru."

I felt as if my heart would burst with joy and more tears came flowing, of pure happiness while we embraced. He loved me. Hajime loved me. We started to kiss again, at first slowly then passionately and deeply, and we melted between kisses and caresses. His lips never leaving mine I heard him say breathlessly,

"And I want you. So bad..."

I could feel him wanting me. And I wanted him just as much. I needed to feel him, I needed to be one with him.

"Then take me, I'm yours."

He paused for a moment, his lips still on me, just holding the kiss ever so sweetly. And ran his hands down my body until they grasped my hips, then moving slightly so I could feel all of him pressing against me.

I moaned against his mouth when I finally felt him inside me. The heat, the sensation of being filled, his skin, his touch, the small pain quickly replaced by a wave of pleassure so big I could hardly stay quiet. He shuddered and stilled until my body adjusted to him. Then he started to move and I moaned even louder, unable to contain myself.

He moved slowly, agonizingly slowly, making me rock with waves of pleasure I knew both felt. I wanted more, I wanted all of him, not restraining himself, showing me what he wanted.

"Hajime..."

He shuddered violently, then stilled and looked at me, restrain in his face. Almost as if apologizing.

"I-it feels so good, I fear I might come before I want to."

I almost orgasmed listening to him. I could feel it, him at his limit. I was almost at mine, the feeling so intense.

"Then... then please, more... h-harder, please."

He started to move again, each trust deeper, harder, his body trembling until we both came and fell in extasy. His breath matched mine, labored and our bodies glistened with the aftermath. He caressed my face and smiled, then kissed me again, sweetly and lovingly, small kisses that left me breathless. We stayed like this for a little moment, smiling and laughing in between kisses. He buried his head in the crook of my neck, his body over me.

"Am I crushing you?"

I laughed.

"Not yet."

He smiled against my skin, biting me and sucking the spot in my neck. I grunted.

"That hurts."

"And will leave mark."

"How naughty."

He snuffled my hair and sighed.

"I'm... at peace. Finally. I feel as if I had finally reached a peaceful bliss."

I hugged him tighter. Then he laughed quietly and murmured something I couldn't hear. I tilted my head to the side to look at him and asked curiously.

"Hmm what is it?"

He rose his head from my neck and looked at me, the intensity of his gaze leaving me breathless.

"I said 'well, not yet'."

Then he smiled, a smile so peaceful finally...

"Koishiteru, Chizuru."

And started to kiss me again, repeating his feelings for me and my name breathlessly, at first slowly then passionately and deeply, and we melted between kisses.

We had our whole lives to sort it out together. Forever.

* * *

* Koishiteru [恋してる - こいしてる] is the highest way to say you are deeply in love with someone.


End file.
